In the last week or so, I have through many orientation-oriented activities. A lot of them have been good (many quite excellent) — a definitely not a waste of time.

Yesterday, in the CS Graduate Student orientation, Prof. Carlis spoke on "How to Be a Graduate Student." He had a number of good points. Some of the things he said and promoted are questionable aims, but there were plenty of jewels in his talk to make it well worth the time.

One thing he discussed is the distinction between a student and a scholar. A student, essentially, does what they’re told. They learn the material the professor or instructor decides to give them, jump through appropriate hoops, and get their degree.

A scholar, on the other hand, asks "why?" They are not content with simple answers. They pursue thorough knowledge and tackle hard questions. They pursue a subject because they genuinely desire to understand it, not because someone tells them they should learn it.

Enter this morning’s teaching workshop on how to have a successful first day/week/month/semester. One thing we discussed was teacher-student interactions, relationships, and the credibility and authority in the professor/teacher role. As we discussed this, and I was contemplating what I had desired from professors in my undergraduate education, I realized something — what I had wanted all along was to be treated as a scholar rather than a student. I wanted them to be a source of knowledge and information that I could tap and utilize in my pursuit of understanding. Sadly, our undergraduate educational system is not built around that. It is designed to provide a specified sequence of training. There is some room within it for exploring subjects in more detail, but it is not the norm and is assisted in varying degrees depending on the professor and course.

The crux of this matter? My contemplations of late have revealed to me more of why I am in graduate school, and what in particular I felt I was missing in my undergraduate studies — why I did not find them a challenge and was frequently frustrated by the lack of pursuit of learning I sensed around me. In graduate school, I will have the opportunity to surround myself with people who care deeply about their area of interest, their research, and what they are learning. I will be able to engage in an intellectual pursuit in an environment which encourages independence, questioning, and deep study. I do believe that it is a setting in which I will be able to thrive.

Time will tell, but these thoughts have confirmed in my mind that I am in the right place for the time being.

The question does remain, of how to I bend this desire, this drive, to the glory of God. I don’t have all the answers on that. Obviously, by pursuing my work with excellence, integrity, and responsibility. Also by demonstrating that computers aren’t everything to me — I have a wife who needs me. Involvement and service in the church must receive some of my time. And I need to have a life to avoid being a one-dimensional person-like being. Further answers, are presently unknown.